How Strong am I…really?? And what does that mean??

17 Apr

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When asked to describe your friend Carol in one word, many would reply, “strong”. What does that mean, exactly??!!  Am I a strong person because I’m not ashamed to stand up for myself, or for the ones I love, or for my beliefs. Or because I can beat you at an arm wrestle?? Because I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, and do things my way?? Or because I can install my window air conditioner?? Because I allow myself the courage to simply be “me” instead of trying to be you?? Or because on moving day, my husband and I carried our fridge and stove into our house by ourselves?? What does it mean?? Am I truly “stong”?? For as long as I can remember, that has always been my label. But I’ll tell ya,.. a label, regardless of it’s meaning, can become you, take you over, confuse you! How much longer do I have to be strong? Sometimes it’s nice to have someone else be my strength, take the riens, lead the way, instal the air conditioner. Is it so wrong that I’m “strong”? I keep hearing, “muscle is the new skinny”, so why not embrace it, right?!  People depend on my strength now…they expect it! So is being strong a true trait of “me”, or is it the mask I wear when I feel it’s reveal is in anticipation from it’s audience?? I know, I am who I am, and I’m proud to be me. Love me or hate me, I will not change. I am strong!! I will beat you at an arm wrestle, and I will stand up for you when the time is right.  I am unassailable for more reasons and for a bigger purpose that has yet to present itself. There has to be a bigger reason why I have been on this path of an infrangible quest for what seems like a life time. I believe my strength will be my Grammy! It is me, and it will always be me. Take me or leave me, I am unshakable, because I am proud to be me!!

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Cheat??? I’m not a cheater!!

6 Apr

So over this past week, I’ve made some great progress in my training!! My “Yoda” has made some critical “tweeking” to proper lifting and positioning techniques that have left me recovering longer than I’m used to, but clearly that means these little corrections are crucial to obtaining my goals at hand.[ Goal#1) ass of a goddess!!] I’ve increased my front squat weight this week and my bench press went up 15lbs to a total of 2 sets of 8 reps at 95lbs!! I bumped it down to 80lbs for my last set cus I was lossing my form. If you can’t do it in proper form than you’re not working the right muscle groups, so drop the weight (right Yoda)!! DAMN, did that ever feel good!!! I actually did a fist pump in the middle of gym when I completed it!! Not corney at all!!!

 I’m struggling with the lack of change or more the obsence of the dreaded belly fat. It’s my biggest struggle. First to come on, last to get off! I want it OFF…NOW!!! I shared this with my “Yoda”, and do you know what he says to me…”It’s also critical for you to start incorporating a weekly Cheat Day!! And I mean a REAL Cheat Day!” WHHHAAAAAAATTTTT??!!! I know I know!! Metoblism!!! I know how cheat days play a key roll in tricking the metoblism, but I feel like an alcoholic. Just one drink, and I’ll be hooked…AGAIN!! Just one bag of chips and dip, and I’m screwed!! Sneaking and hiding and binging all over again. But I’ve curved my thinking, I’ve made leaps and bounds in my progress of self control…one bag isn’t gonna change that…right??? It scares the shit out of me.A WHOLE day  of cheating?!?! Not just dessert after a balanced meal. Not just a cookie that my client brought in as a treat. Not just…just…that’s all I’ve got…cus I don’t cheat!!! In 3 months, there’s been no cheating. Even when I went on vacation to the Bahamas, there was no cheating, (vodka and water doesn’t count)!! I have myself so focused on cleaning up and getting rid of all my bad eating habits that cheating has never entered my mind. To me, Subway is cheating. How can I allow myself to do this and convince myself that’s it’s just this once, and it means nothing, and that I was thinking of broccoli the whole time??!! I’m not a cheater!!

This journey has been all about over coming my weaknesses and becoming a stronger, happier, more confident person. If I can cheat and come back stronger, it’s only helping me reach my ultimate goal. If I have to do it, I guess I have to do it…but I won’t like it!!!

Cheat??? I’m not a cheater!!

6 Apr

So over this past week, I’ve made some great progress in my training!! My “Yoda” has made some critical “tweeking” to proper lifting and positioning techniques that have left me recovering longer than I’m used to, but clearly that means these little corrections are crucial to obtaining my goals at hand.[ Goal#1) ass of a goddess!!] I’ve increased my front squat weight this week and my bench press went up 15lbs to a total of 2 sets of 8 reps at 95lbs!! I bumped it down to 80lbs for my last set cus I was lossing my form. If you can’t do it in proper form than you’re not working the right muscle groups, so drop the weight (right Yoda)!! DAMN, did that ever feel good!!! I actually did a fist pump in the middle of gym when I completed it!! Not corney at all!!!

 I’m struggling with the lack of change or more the obsence of the dreaded belly fat. It’s my biggest struggle. First to come on, last to get off! I want it OFF…NOW!!! I shared this with my “Yoda”, and do you know what he says to me…”It’s also critical for you to start incorporating a weekly Cheat Day!! And I mean a REAL Cheat Day!” WHHHAAAAAAATTTTT??!!! I know I know!! Metoblism!!! I know how cheat days play a key roll in tricking the metoblism, but I feel like an alcoholic. Just one drink, and I’ll be hooked…AGAIN!! Just one bag of chips and dip, and I’m screwed!! Sneaking and hiding and binging all over again. But I’ve curved my thinking, I’ve made leaps and bounds in my progress of self control…one bag isn’t gonna change that…right??? It scares the shit out of me.A WHOLE day  of cheating?!?! Not just dessert after a balanced meal. Not just a cookie that my client brought in as a treat. Not just…just…that’s all I’ve got…cus I don’t cheat!!! In 3 months, there’s been no cheating. Even when I went on vacation to the Bahamas, there was no cheating, (vodka and water doesn’t count)!! I have myself so focused on cleaning up and getting rid of all my bad eating habits that cheating has never entered my mind. To me, Subway is cheating. How can I allow myself to do this and convince myself that’s it’s just this once, and it means nothing, and that I was thinking of broccoli the whole time??!! I’m not a cheater!!

This journey has been all about over coming my weaknesses and becoming a stronger, happier, more confident person. If I can cheat and come back stronger, it’s only helping me reach my ultimate goal. If I have to do it, I guess I have to do it…but I won’t like it!!!

To Inspire, or to not inspire…

1 Apr

I have goals…I have a LOT of goals…BIG goals!! They are the first thing that goes through my head when I wake up, and the last thing I think of when i go to sleep. I spend my day planning how I’m going to reach my goals. I day dream about the next time I can train so that I can one day say “I WON” or “I DID IT!”  I want more for myself, and I don’t plan on stopping until I get it!! I AM living the life, and I WILL look the part!! It’s not about fitting into a size 4, or being picture perfect, or turning heads. I want my life to be healthy….healthier….for the rest of my life. I don’t want to have to say “no” to doing anything because my body tells me it “can’t” do it. I want to sit down and not have belly rolls, or a muffin top from simply wearing a pair of jeans, (when I finally find a pair of jeans that fit), or back-fat that pops through a pretty dress or even just a t-shirt!! These aren’t amazing or spectacular accomplishments to aspire to in many peoples opinion, but to me, to me…well, these are the specific things that have stopped me from going to family events or celebrations, or from hanging out with a friend for a drink or dinner, or from going for a simple walk with my husband, or going to the store to get groceries. It’s self esteme damaging, it’s killed my self confidence, and contorted my view on the beauty that a women should always have…for herself!! Yes, we are our own worst enemy and critic, but enough already! I would shrink in my skin every time my husband would tell me I was beautful. I deserve to feel beautiful, I deserve to believe it, I deserve to see it within myself!!

On this journey, I wanted first to inspire myself. Look at me go!!! I have found more strength and determination within myself than I’ve ever seen before, and there’s more to come. Secondly, I wanted to inspire my husband. I now train him 5 days a week at the gym, (it’s a start). Thirdly, I wanted to inspire my clients and family and friends. This will be an ongoing journey, but it’s working too!! I want to inspire those who need it….like me! I am inspiring me!

You have to get a life, to live one!! I’m living the life people!! Jump on board would ya!!!

In the Beginning….

29 Mar

So, it’s taken me 3 months to build up enough confidence to write about my journey, and the purpose it serves…for ME!! That’s the problem. It’s taken me forever to establish that “ME” matters and that “I” need to take care of “ME”, and it’s ok to take time to take care of “ME”. No judging, just time to be “ME” first.

I started my journey 3 months ago. I was depressed…sadly depressed, angry, confused, definately over weight, and fed up!! My body wasn’t my own and hadn’t been in a long long time. It was time for me to take it back, own it, love it, give it the attention it desparately needed. So I reached out. BIG step!! Thank God for angels. My friend (we’ll call him Yoda), gave me some key questions to ponder, and made me realize how committed I was and wanted to be, to making “ME” awesome, and not just “ok”. I was soooo done with the “ok”. I was done with taking myself just far enough to make me “ok” with how I looked, which in-turn, made me just “ok” about everythign else about me. It was ok to not walk to work, which is only 1.2kms from home, it was ok to eat a bag of chips, it was ok to drink friday AND saturday night, it was apparently ok to live a half-assed life and short myself on an awesome one. Not any more!! I tricked myself into thinking I was tricking everyone else into believing that I was “ok”. Silly girl! Simply, I wanted to be able to live the life, but I wasn’t committed to looking the part. WOW!! So much has changed! What has changed, you might ask?? For starters, I get up every morning, and I feed my body a nutrious meal, I workout (EVERY day), I smile, I laugh, I’m active, I inspire,….I”M LIVING!!! I put forth some very challenging endevours for myself.
#1) to win the ISA Body Challenge 2012
#2) to finish Tough Mudder Toronto 2012
#3) to live a healthy and active live…forever!!!
#4) to be able to do pull ups by June 2012
#5) to have an ass of a goddess (not an easy feat)
#6) to learn how to self-motivate without guilt
#7) to take my CPTN exams
…bottom line…Live the Life, Look the Part!

So you’re probably wondering how all of this has been going, right?!! Ok…how’s this….
Three months ago, I weighed in at 194.4lbs. TOday I weigh in at 172.lbs and am down 35″. I’m up at 5:30am, to get to the gym, to have enough time to first train my husband through his workout, and then after, do my own workout. I have built up my cardio to do a 5km run in 27mins, with no stopping. I’ve learned the tricks of how to HIIT on the treadmill and burn burn burn!!!
I smile…a lot!
I’m a member of the M.I.L.F. Mates (Mudder I’d Like to Finish) team for the 2012 Tough Mudder in Toronto.
I’m an active participant in the 2012 ISA BOdy Challenge, and looking to KILL it!!

I’m not even close to being done with myself…not….even…close!! But in three months, I’ve given my self confidence one hell of a wake up call. A lot of thanks goes out to my sister, (who’s on a self improving journey of her own), my close friends for their continued love and support, my husband for his patience and understanding and now for his direct involvement and concern for his and my ongoing health, and my Yoda for never giving up on me, for putting up with my rants, for educating me, and for the constant encouragement and belief in me!

This is only the beginning!! There’s so much more to come. I hope you have your seat belts on!

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19 Dec

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